Understand Imposter Syndrome: Identified Imposter Syndrome Inside Me
Have you ever felt like an imposter or fraud? You’re not alone. Particularly in a professional setting, people may have this feeling, but lack the words to describe it. This is called imposter syndrome, which means feeling like a fraud due to the self-doubt and lack of confidence. It stems from low self-esteem that makes us afraid of being discovered and judged inadequate or incompetent. We’re convinced that we’re really an “imposter”, just tricking everyone. In an intimate relationship, we’re afraid of being found out and left.
The consequence is that even when we excel―get high marks, accomplishments, raises, promotions, or compliments, we feel so undeserving due to deep shame that it doesn’t change our opinion of ourselves. We’ll make excuses or discount our success. It’s normal to exaggerate or emphasise our strength on a resume or job interview. However, an “imposter” really feels unqualified in comparison to other candidates―wants the position, but is half terrified of getting it.
Underlying Shame
The deep underlying shame stimulates fault-finding thoughts when compared to our high expectations of ourselves and others. We also compare ourselves negatively to other people who appear to have it all together. When others make mistakes, we might be forgiving, because we have double standards, judging ourselves more harshly than others.
I feel it deeply, when I feel like an imposter, I live in constant fear of being found out―that my future students when I jump into the yoga teacher world or romantic partner will eventually realise he/they’ve made a big mistake. I have this insecurity mounts with every personal task or assignment as a leader about whether I can satisfactorily complete it. Everytime I have to perform, I feel like my job, career, family security―everything―is on the line. One mistake and my façade will crumble, like a house of cards. When something good happens, it must be a mistake, luck or a warning that the other shoe will soon drop. In fact, the more success we have or the closer we get to a new mate, the greater our anxiety.
Positive acknowledgement is felt undeserved and is written off with the belief that the other person is manipulating, lying, has poor judgement, or just doesn’t know the real truth about us. The craziest part is if we are offered kindness or reward, we are more than surprised. We wonder why―why would they want to do that? If I receive an honour, we feel like it was a mistake. I dismiss it as being routine, very easy, low standards, or no competition. Additionally, when I do well, I’m afraid that I have now raised others’ expectations and will likely fail in the future. Better to have a low profile than risk criticism, judgement, or rejection.
Though other people might like me, inside I feel flawed, inadequate, a mess, a disappointment. I imagine other are judging me for things that in reality they didn’t even notice or long forgot. Meanwhile, I can’t let go of it and even judge myself for things I can’t control―like a computer glitch that delayed in completing something on time.
Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is how I evaluate and think about myself. I found I’ve lived with this harsh inner judge, my own critic, who sees flaws that no one else notices, much less cares about. It tyrannises me about how I look, how I should act, what I should have done differently, or should be doing that I am not. I know that when I’m self-critical, my self-esteem is low, and I lose confidence in my abilities. My critic also makes me sensitive to criticism, because it mirrors the doubts I already have about myself and my behaviour. Moreover, I imagine other people think what my critic thinks. In other words, I project my criticism onto other people. Even if when questioned, they deny assumptions, I likely won’t believe them.
Imposter Syndrome in Relationships
*This one has not totally happened to my relationship, but slightly yes, so I think I’m gonna put this one here.
Healthy relationships depend on self-esteem. These imposter fears can cause us to provoke arguments and assume we’re being judged or rejected when we’re not. We may push people who want to get close to use or love us away for fear of being judged or found out. This makes it hard to have a committed, intimate relationship. We might settle for someone who need us, is dependent on us, abuses us, or in our mind is in some way beneath us. This way we’re assured they won’t leave us.
Cognitive Distortions
Shame and low-esteem lead to cognitive distortions. At that time my thoughts often reflect thinking that is shame-based (“should’s” and self-criticism), inflexible, black and white, and negative projections. Other cognitive distortions include overgeneralizing, catastrophic thinking, and hyperfocus on details, which obfuscate the main objective.
My shame filters reality and skews how our perceptions. A typical pattern is to project the negative and dismiss the positive. I filter reality to exclude the positive while magnifying the negative. I filter reality to exclude the positive while magnifying the negative and my fears. I take things personally and overgeneralize something small to condemn myself and my potential. Black and white, all-or-nothing thinking rules out a middle ground and other possibilities and options. I believe “I must be perfect and please everyone” (impossible) or “i’m a failure and no good.” These thinking habits distort reality, lower my self-esteem, and can create anxiety and depression.
Perfectionism
Many people with imposter syndrome are perfectionists. Most of us set unrealistic, demanding goals for ourselves and regard any failure to achieve them as unacceptable and a sign of personal worthlessness. Perfection is an illusion, and perfectionism is driven by shame and reinforces shame. The fear of failure or making mistakes can be paralysing. This can lead to avoidance, giving up, and procrastination. The disparity between reality and our expectations generated internal conflict, self-doubt, and fear of mistakes that cause suffering and serious symptoms. We need to tame our inner critic that sabotages our attempts to take risks, achieve, create and learn.
It is possible to overcome perfectionism and overcome shame and low self-esteem that cause imposter syndrome by changing our thoughts and behaviour, healing our wounds, and developing self-compassion.
All the stories that I’ve been expose, is me 2 years ago and some of the lines are me today. I’ve tried many ways to develop myself, by working on my morning routine as my small steps and challenging myself to become a yoga teacher. Even though I’ve developed myself so much, I still have this imposter inside me that keeps saying that I’m not enough, I am a fraud, and I will never be able to achieve the big goals in my life, but I did it anyway.
In many ways, we still have the possibility to meet the imposter inside us, but keep reminding yourself that, it’s just the voice inside you, every day you wake up you have to build the positive voice inside you. It’s Important to tell yourself loudly, “I’m enough”, ‘I can do this”, and “if I fail, I still can try again” or “Life is a never ending journey, everyday is new learning, try again”. I keep telling myself this, even now, I write these words to empower myself.
If you are struggling with the same issues as me, I will launch my Yoga, Meditation and Breathing class in March. It will be an early birth sign up and the class will start in May, So I welcome you to check my new website that will soon be launched in March.
I’ll be happy if you leave some empowering comments here, since I am thrilled to step to this new journey in my life :)
Wish you a peaceful day beautiful people…
